For too many years I’ve lived my life on what if’s. What if this happens and what if that happens. Many times the what if has come to pass but more oft than not it hasn’t. Slowly I have killed everything inside of me because of “What Ifs!” At the begining of last year I decided that was going to STOP and I was going to live for me.
Along the way I’ve made many errors because when you’re a person that simply accepts all that is dished to you and you are suddenly standing up for yourself and what is right, it throws people off. Many no longer want to be your friend. Many don’t understand and take it as hostility, but that isn’t what I wanted. I just wanted people to stop using me and in their own way abusing me. I let them do it so when I called a stop to it many things happend and without my faith in God, I would would be floundering. That isn’t to say I don’t flounder at times, but I have faith and put my future, life, and that of my family in the hands of God.
By putting my foot down I made a lot of things better and a lot of things worse. I made a muck of things with my parents and for that I’m truly sorry. Then of course it involved my siblings. Argh, the pain an anguish is something I can’t explain.
But good things happened too. I found that I have value as human, wife, mother, sister, aunt, and BLOGGER! I work long hours, much too long, and I look to change that, and put myself on a more usual work schedule this year. I want to work on loving the small things in life that I put aside when I started blogging. I need to find myself again, so to speak.
I feel better as a person and blogger doing this. I feel so much better about myself and hope that other bloggers who have fallen in the same rut as me will do the same. Know that you have worth no matter who you are, both in your person and in your work.